He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
