I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
