i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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