Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
