he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize