I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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