dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
