Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
