If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
