You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The best revenge is premature balding
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
