that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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