Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
