...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
