Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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