OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
