I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
