I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
