Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
