i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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