i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
