So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
