3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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