Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
