none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
