After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
