Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize