OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
