My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
