There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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