No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
