we're chasing vodka with high fives
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
