She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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