you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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