she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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