please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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