I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Randomize
