called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
