I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
