The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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