So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
