Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
