so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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