I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
