You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Terrible idea I love it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
