When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
