i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
