I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
