he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it because I queefed?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
