Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
