Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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