Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
