tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
