brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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