just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
