Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
