He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
