I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
