I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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