New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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