i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
