this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
