You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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