So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
