Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm at about main and main street
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize