Apparently you make a good broom.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
