I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
