I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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