im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
