Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Houston, we have a blender
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
