Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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