found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
