U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
