i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
