and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
