i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
operation harelip BJ is a go
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
