Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
