you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
