i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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