just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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