i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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