Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize