my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
