I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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