my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
