dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize