i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
