If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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