was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
