I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
