i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize