But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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