If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think my moral compass just broke
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
