I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
