Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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