Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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