Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
