Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
two words...techno handjob
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
