Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
