i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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