I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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